Shadow Says
by The Dragon Legend
Summary: A Sonic Says parody. Shadow's here to rant- erm, I mean give an important public service announcement. Crackfic. Rated for swearing.
1. Introduction

Shadow Says

Shadow was at home, watching TV. One of Sonic's old cartoons came on and Shadow was so board, he decided to watch it. But then the Sonic Says segment came up.

And Shadow was shocked and insulted by what he saw.

"These are the so called 'messages' that they want kids to follow? They put this on fucking television?"

Shadow refused to stand for this. He was going to go down to that television studio and give them a piece of his mind.

The CEO of KidsTV was doing paperwork in his office when his secretary called him.

"You have a visitor, sir."

"Tell them I'm busy and to come back at four."

"Um, sir he's coming in anyway!"

His door was suddenly kicked in.

"Without looking up he asked, "And what is it that you want that can't possibly wait till four?"

"It's about your Sonic cartoon and its so called 'PSAs'.

Still not looking up. "And what's the problem?"

"You're sending kids stupid and terrible messages!"

The CEO finally looked up and was completely unfazed by the fact that Shadow the Hedgehog was in his office yelling at him. "And do you think you can do better?"

"I could do better in my sleep!"

"Alright, you're hired!"

Shadow paused, surprised. "Hired? For what?"

"To be the new face of our PSAs. You start in two hours. Now of course we're gonna need a kid for you to teach lessons to. Someone go find that Tails kid! As for you…" He scribbled on a sticky note and handed it to Shadow. "Go down to makeup and give them this. They'll get you camera ready."

Shadow took the note and went down the hall. "Time to give kids the PSAs they really need."


	2. Calling 911

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were on a hill surrounded by robots.

"We're surrounded! Call 911!" Tails cried.

Shadow glanced at his cue card and did a double take.

"Wait, what? Being attacked by robots doesn't qualify as an emergency?" Shadow vehemently shook his head. "No, no, no. Tails, you call the police. They're not that much help but call them anyway."

"Uh, Shadow, that's not your line." Tails whispered.

"I don't care! You honestly think someone trying to kill you doesn't qualify as an emergency? Kids out there, if someone tries to kill you call the police.

"Shadow, we need you to stick to the script here!" The director instructed.

"Oh, if people were trying to kill you, you wouldn't call that an emergency?"

"I… uh… Fair point. Keep rolling."

Shadow did so. "If people are trying to kill you, call the police. And since they're probably going to take forever trying to get to you, you should find a weapon to defend yourself."

The director interrupted again. "Uh, kids should not be using weapons."

"Oh yeah, because letting your attackers kill you is so much safer." Shadow's voice was soaked in sarcasm. "Kids, if someone attacks you, fight back with weapons. Anything you can get your hands on. Arm yourself, kill them if necessary, and if you have spare time in the middle, call the police."

"Cut!"


	3. Sharing

Shadow Says

Tails was sitting on a bench with a random guy whose name Shadow did not bother to learn. They were eating lunch.

The unimportant guy asked. "Do you have any extra hotdogs?"

"Sorry, this is all I got." Tails apologized. "Do you have any extra chili?"

"Sorry this is all I got."

They waited and waited.

"Uh, Shadow?" Tails whisper-called. "You're supposed to come out here and talk to us about sharing."

"Why? That whole situation's none of my business." Shadow replied.

"Yeah, but you're supposed to teach us about sharing!"

"Why? You don't have to share."

"But that's what this PSA is about!"

"Why does that need to be a PSA?" Shadow questioned.

"Well it's a good lesson for kids, it teaches them not to be selfish." Tails clarified.

"More like it teaches them how to be a door mat." Shadow retorted. "People don't have to share. If they have something, then it's theirs. If you're always sharing your stuff, people are going to hang out just so they can get free stuff." He stepped in front of the camera. "Kids, if someone seems like a freeloader, don't share with them."

"Cut!"


	4. Sexual Harassment

Shadow Says

Shadow was by himself in front of the camera. "So, what am I supposed to be talking about this time?"

"All you have to do for this one is read the cue cards." The director instructed.

"Okay, so today we're going to talk about…" Shadow blinked. "Sexual harassment? Wow I was not expecting that. Alright if someone tries to touch you in a way you don't like, kick them in the balls. And while they're one the ground, writhing in pain, stomp on their head just to send a clear message."

"Shadow that's not the message we want to send to kids!"

"What it solves the problem doesn't it? Unless they don't have balls… in that case use a taser."

"Well yeah but it just doesn't sound very kid friendly."

"Kid friendly? We're talking about sexual harassment! What part of this is kid friendly?" Shadow yelled.

"I mean kid friendly solutions! How about you just move on to the 'talk to someone you trust' part?"

"Fine. If someone sexually harasses you, tell me and I'll kick their ass."

"And don't swear!"

Shadow shrugged. "Whatever."

"Cut!"


	5. Everyone has something to offer

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were watching a family of sloths passing by.

"They're so slow!" Tails complained.

"You're… standing… in… quicksand." One of the sloths pointed out.

"Quicksand!?" Tails immediately began to panic and struggle.

Shadow grabbed his arm and dragged him to safety. "Know the difference between sand and quicksand kids!"

"That's not the lesson you're supposed to be teaching today!" The director exclaimed.

"Are you sure?" Shadow asked. "Then what's this quicksand here for?"

"You're supposed to teach that everyone has something to offer!"

Shadow rose a brow. "Really? Because I think this is the wrong scenario for that. I mean the sloths know what quicksand is? I'm pretty sure anyone can know what quicksand looks like."

"You are missing the point!" The director shouted.

"Well maybe if your scenario was better, I wouldn't be missing the point!"

Tails facepalmed.

"Cut!"


	6. Dares

Shadow Says

Scratch and Grounder stood on one end of a railroad bridge.

"Run to the other side!" Scratch ordered.

"But there's a train coming!" Grounder cried.

"Then go quickly you coward!"

They started running across the bridge but had to jump off before the train hit them.

Shadow let out a small laugh. "Morons. Those have to be some of the dumbest robots Eggman ever built."

"Uh, Shadow, the moral?" The director prodded.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Remember kids, don't do dumb shit. You'll live longer."

"Shadow! Will you stop swearing already?"

"No, I have the freedom of speech! I can swear if I want to!" Shadow turned back to the camera. "Bonus lesson: you have the freedom of speech so you can swear if you want to."

"No! Don't teach kids that!" The director howled.

"What's wrong with teaching kids their basic constitutional rights?"

The director facepalmed. "Cut!"


	7. Graffiti

Shadow Says

Tails walked up to a building covered in graffiti holding two paint cans. He shook the cans and started painting his personal seal of two tails in yellow. Shadow walked up and studied his work.

"Looks nice, but I wouldn't have used that shade of yellow."

Tails sighed. "You were supposed to stop me before I got this far."

"Well sorry, I was too busy thinking why are we teaching this? I mean kids aren't going out and doing this anymore, they're sitting at home and staring at screens."

"Well maybe, but it's still bad!" Tails insisted.

"What are you talking about? I think it looks great!" Shadow pointed at a picture of a car. "Look at that! That's some impressive detail there. The owners of this building should be grateful. In fact, give me one of those cans, I think I'll add on to it."

Shadow grabbed a can and painted a school bus falling into a shark tank.

Tails winced. "That's… violent."

"It's symbolic about how terrible the school system is."

"Well, yeah I guess that's pretty impressive artwork considering you only had one color to work with."

Shadow turned to face the camera. "See that kids? Follow your artistic dreams!"

"Cut!"


	8. Know your Phone Number

Shadow Says

Tail was wandering through the forest. "I'm lost! I need to find a phone fast!" He ran into a convenient pay phone and spoke into the receiver. "Hello, operator? I need to call home. My number? Uhhhh….."

"Just use the communicator strapped to your wrist already!" Shadow yelled.

"But a still need a number!"

Don't give me that shit! I know for a fact that you have everybody's contacts saved in there! Because you gave one of them to me too!"

Tails sighed. "Okay, but what if the battery goes dead?"

"Well then I'd say you're out of luck regardless of if you know your number or not!"

"I mean when you have to use a pay phone!" Tails clarified.

"Oh yeah, because you're totally going to find a pay phone out in the middle of the fucking woods." Shadow snapped sarcastically. "If anything, the moral here is to keep your contacts up to date and keep your phone battery charged."

"Cut!"


	9. Sunbathing

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were on the beach, under an umbrella.

"I'll never get a suntan under here!" Tails cried.

Shadow rose brow. "Tails, you're covered in fur. Even if you got a tan, you wouldn't be able to see it."

"Shadow, can't you just for once, stick to the script?" The director said, exasperated.

"I don't know, can your scripts stop being fucking bullshit every time?"

"Okay just act like you're giving this speech to a human. And don't swear!"

"Alright. If you're a fucking human don't fucking sunbathe, or you'll get fucking skin cancer and probably die. So, don't fucking do it." Shadow grinned at the squirming director. "How was that?"

"Cut." The director said in defeat.


	10. The Environment

Shadow Says

"Okay kids. Today, we're talking about trees." Shadow was alone in front of the camera with a fierce expression. "Now some of you fucking idiots out there may not be aware of this, but trees are goddammed important!" Shadow began pacing and gesturing for emphasis. "You see trees produce oxygen which is important for staying alive. Yet for some reason, people keep chopping them down and fucking polluting the environment! I wouldn't be so pissed off about this, if we didn't have the same problem for over fifty years! Seriously, when I lived back on the Ark I saw plenty of PSAs about the environment!"

Shadow suddenly leaped towards the camera, which caused the cameraman to run away screaming. Shadow snarled at the camera lens.

"SERIOUSLY! WHY HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED YOUR FUCKING LESSON? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT IF YOU WIPE OUT TREES YOU WIPE OUT ALL LIFE ON THIS PLANET? SO IF YOU IDIOTS DON'T GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER, I'M GOING TO TAKE MY AX AND CHOP YOU DOWN!"

"Cut!" the terrified director screamed. "Cut!"


	11. Don't wander off!

Shadow Says

Shadow was laying in a hammock when suddenly, a gorilla knocked him out of it. Shadow reacted by punching said gorilla in the face.

"And that kids, is how to deal with strangers who try to bother you while you're sleeping."

"Not the moral Shadow!" The director admonished.

"Are you sure?"

"You're supposed to tell kids about the dangers of wandering away from their parents!"

Shadow shrugged. "Oh sure, I can do that. Don't wander off from your parents, kids. Terrible things could happen to you. Such as: getting mugged, falling off a cliff, drowning in the river, getting hit by a car, getting kidnapped by pedophiles and locked away in their rape dungeon…"

"That's enough Shadow! We don't need anymore examples!" The director said hurriedly.

"…getting murdered by a serial killer who wants to cook and eat your organs…"

"Cuuuuuuuut!"


	12. Pay Attention!

Shadow Says

Tails was walking down the road, listening to headphones. Behind him, steamroller being driven by Scratch and Grounder came into view. As it bore down on Tails, Shadow Chaos Blasted it to smithereens.

"Didn't we already do a PSA about being attacked by people?" Shadow asked.

"No, this one's about paying attention to your surroundings." The director answered.

"So wait, are you telling me it's Tails's fault they almost murdered him?"

"He was listening to music and couldn't hear them coming." The director explained.

"Well then why don't you make it a regular car driven by non-murderous people? Because I don't think the average person has to worry about someone purposely trying to run them over with a steamroller!"

"Just tell the kids the lesson!"

Shadow faced the camera. "Kids always be aware of your surroundings and don't listen to music that's too loud. Unless it's Crush 40. I love that shit."

"Cut!"


	13. Beware of Scams

Shadow Says

Tails was watching TV when a commercial came on.

"It's Robodude! Keeps your house perfectly clean so you don't have to! Just twelve easy payments of $9.98! Dose not include batteries, vacuum attachment, or filter." The last sentence was said quickly and quietly, as if it was hoping to go unnoticed.

Shadow came on screen. "Hey kids. There are companies out there who want nothing more than to rip you off. When you see something advertised on TV, it's pretty much guaranteed that it won't be as cool as they make it seem. And if someone says they're going to give you something for free, that's a guaranteed scam right there. There's always some hidden costs somewhere."

The director sighed in relief. Finally, Shadow was sticking to the script.

"And even if there's no hidden cost, it's either broken or laced with poison."

Well, mostly.

"And speaking of nothing being free, how much am I getting paid to do this?"

"Cut!"

"No seriously where's my paycheck? You better not be scamming me here!"

"Cut!"

"Don't work for KidsTV kids, it's a scam."

"CUT!"


	14. Reading

Shadow Says

Shadow was sitting under a tree with a book.

"Hey, kids. Today, we're going to talk about reading. It's important thing to be able to do. Otherwise, you look like a fucking dumbass."

"Please stop swearing." The director pleaded.

"Why? Isn't it important for kids to have an expansive vocabulary?" Shadow asked. "In fact, I going to teach you kids some new words to help you out if you see them while reading."

"Oh god." The director moaned.

"First off, we have the word 'asshole'. Now an asshole is a nasty person who dose a lot of shitty things." Shadow pulled out a picture of Eggman. "This is a prime example of an asshole. Say it with me kids. A-s-s-h-o-l-e. I hope you got that because we're moving on. Now a word you've probably heard me use a lot is 'fuck'. Now this word can be used in a variety of different ways, but the main definition is-"

"NOPE!" The director leapt in front of the camera. "Cutcutcutcut!"

"Say it with me kids. Fuck you director!"

"CUT!"


	15. Stranger Danger

Shadow Says

Tails was resting on a bench when a car pulled up to him.

"Hey, your friend Shadow has been hurt! He needs your help!"

"Okay, I'll come with you!"

Tails stepped towards the car.

"Tails, you can see me right over here." Shadow deadpanned. "And how can you not see through those lame moustache disguises? If any kidnapper approaches you with those, they're doing it wrong."

"Hey! Our disguises are great!" Scratch protested, indignant.

"Well your first mistake was admitting that you're wearing disguises."

"Oops."

"Number two, you're trying to kidnap someone who knows you and that you are a well-known enemy of, making you the primary suspect when they go missing."

"Shadow, you're supposed to be giving pointers to the kids, not the kidnapers!" The director corrected.

"Right. Kids, trust nobody, ever. Always assume a person is trying to take advantage of you or hurt you. If some strange person offers you candy, they're a pedophile. If they say your parents sent them to take you home, they're an FBI agent who wants to kidnap you for a government experiment. And be careful of people who always have their hands in their pockets, they're holding on to a rag covered in chloroform."

The director stared, slack jawed. "Uhh… just cut."


	16. Eat Healthy

Shadow Says

Tails hovered next to a preposterously large mound of ice cream.

Shadow walked up to it. "Strawberry huh? I'm more of a mint chip guy myself." He licked his own, more reasonably sized ice cream.

"Shadow, you're supposed to teach me about eating healthy."

"Well if you already know what the lesson is supposed to be, then why do I have to teach it? Kids don't eat foods based on weather or not it's healthy, they do it based on weather or not it tastes good. Kids know what's healthy and not, they just don't care. In fact, they're probably eating something unhealthy while watching this!"

"Shadow, just teach the lesson." The director ordered.

"Fine. All you kids out there, eat healthy, or you'll become a fatass. And don't be like those idiots who are like 'Oh I have a diet soda. I can eat whatever I want now!' No! That's not how that works! Some of you are probably fatasses already! In which case, get out there and do some fucking exercise!"

"Cut!"


	17. Running Away

Shadow Says

"Where are you going Coconuts?" Shadow asked the robot monkey.

"I'm running away!"

"Good."

"Really?"

"Eggman's my enemy. You leaving him is beneficial to me."

"You're supposed to tell him that running away is bad!" The director admonished.

Shadow glared icily at the director. "In the episode I saw, this guy was getting beaten. _Abused_. You expect me to tell him to go back to that? Back to _Eggman?_ "

"Uh… er… uh…"

"Coconuts, I want you to meet someone. Please welcome my special guest, Omega."

The hulking black and red robot stepped into the camera's view.

"Greetings. I am E-123 Omega."

"Now Omega, you used to work for Doctor Eggman, is that right?"

"Affirmative."

"And Eggman treated you badly, right?"

"Affirmative. He assigned me to terrible jobs. Jobs I was not fit for doing. And when I asked for more appropriate tasks, he told me I was too stupid to think for myself."

Coconuts became excited. "Me too! Me too!"

"And what did you do when that happened, Omega?" Shadow went on.

"I dedicated my existence to his complete and utter destruction!"

Shadow faced the camera again. "Well there you have it kids. If you're being abused at home, run as far away as you can. Or be like Omega and kill them."

The director was about to say something, but then gave up. "Cut."


	18. Age Equals Wisdom

**So sorry. I accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter this morning. This is the correct one.**

Shadow Says

Tails and a fat raccoon in a cape were in the middle of a forest.

"I think we're lost Captain Rescue."

"All we have to do is head north!"

A random old bear came up to them. "Lost eh? Don't you know that moss always grows on the north side of trees?"

"That's actually not true." Shadow interrupted. "Moss doesn't care about north or south. It just cares about getting enough moisture. I just googled it. Don't trust random people you meet in the woods. Didn't we already have a talk about stranger danger? And who's this raccoon guy Tails is with?"

Tails sighed. "Old friend, Shadow. Very old."

Shadow turned on the director. "Were you guys trying to replace me with him? According to the script, I'm not in this one."

"So you do read the script?"

"Of course, I do. That way I know what to rewrite."

"Cut!"


	19. Wear Your Seatbelt

**If you haven't seen it, chapter 18 has been corrected.**

Shadow Says

Scratch and an eagle stood next to two planes and a starting line. Shadow stood there too with a starting flag.

"Alright, what was this race about?"

"To determine which of us is the real Edgar Eagle!" Scratch explained.

"Well obviously it's not you. You're Scratch!"

"You don't know that! The race isn't over yet!" Scratch argued.

"Alright, whatever, on your marks! Get set! Go!"

The two birds dove into the planes. Scratch took off at once while Edgar paused to buckle his seatbelt. With his head start, Scratch crossed the finish line first.

"Welp, Scratch wins, which makes him Edgar Eagle, however that works."

"No Shadow!" The director cried. "Scratch is disqualified for not buckling his seatbelt!"

"Why? That rule wasn't established."

"Yeah but that's the lesson here!"

"But the guy who buckled up lost. I think you're sending the wrong message here. Here's a moral for you, don't have someone's identity determined by a race."

"Cut!"


	20. Stay in School

Shadow Says

Shadow stood in front of the camera. Behind him was an easy chair and tall stacks of books.

"Hey kids. Now, most people will tell you it's important to stay in school so you can learn valuable information to prepare you for the future." Shadow looked very seriously at the camera. "Well, I'm here to tell you that those people are full of shit!"

"Shadow!" The director protested. "You're supposed to be telling kids that they're supposed to stay in school!"

"No! You want me to be exactly like all those other fucking liars! School doesn't prepare you for life! They just take all your money, cram a bunch of worthless information into your head, hand you a diploma, and say good luck!"

"Without school, people end up ignorant and stupid!" The director argued.

"The people who are ignorant and stupid are the people who have faith in this outdated school system! They don't learn important things like how to keep a budget or pay taxes, they learn how to shut up and take orders! I mean does anyone really need to know when the Declaration of Independence was signed? No, they don't! And guess what? I never went to school for a single day of my life!"

"You were raised by scientists!"

"Moral is: don't trust the school system to teach you. Use the internet and books to teach yourself."

"Cut!"


	21. Don't Answer the Door

Shadow Says

Scratch and Grounder walked up to a door and knocked on it.

"Pizza! We deliver!"

On the other side of the door, Tails reached for the knob. He hesitated, then glanced back at Shadow, who was sitting on the couch, completely ignoring the situation.

"Um, Shadow?"

"Yeah, what?"

"You're supposed to stop me from opening the door and tell me not to open the door for someone I don't know when I'm alone."

"But you're not alone. I'm right here." Shadow pointed out.

"That's not the point! We're trying to teach!" Tails yelled in exasperation.

"Then you're doing it badly. Now will you to the door to get the pizza?"

"But we didn't order any pizza!"

"I did. The catering around here sucks."

"Cut!"


	22. Bike Safety

Shadow Says

"Shadow!" Tails called. "Let's go for a ride!"

Shadow looked at the two-seater bike. "Forget that. I've got something better." Shadow left and came back a few minutes later on a motorcycle. He patted the seat behind him. "Hop on."

"Uh, Shadow, you do know that we're supposed to be teaching morals here, right?"

"What's so immoral about motorcycles?"

"We're supposed to be teaching bike safety!"

"Fine. Kids, don't crash and you'll be fine. You getting on or what?" Shadow asked impatiently.

Tails hesitated. "Weeellllll…"

Shadow grabbed tails and dragged him aboard. "Hold tight."

He took off with Tails screaming. Meanwhile, Scratch and Grounder pedaled up on their own two-seater bike.

"I wish we had a ride like that." Grounder said wistfully.

Their bike broke underneath them.

"Cut!"


	23. Don't Dive into Shallow Water

Shadow Says

A merperson stood at the edge of a cliff. "Hey dudes! Check this out!"

"He's gonna jump!" Tails cried.

"Wait, don't do it!" Shadow yelled and then grabbed his smartphone. "Ok go for it!"

"Here I come dudes!"

The merdude dove off the cliff and was caught by Tails before he could faceplant into the shallow stream at the base of the cliff.

"Damnit Tails! You ruined the video!" Shadow snapped.

"He would have died!" Tails yelled, aghast.

"That's his fault, not mine."

The merdude was shocked. "That's, like, messed up man."

Shadow turned to the camera. "You can't stop stupid people from doing stupid things. But you can record it and post it online for all the world to see. That way, everyone can learn from his stupidity. Or just laugh. Whichever."

"Cut!"


	24. Get a Good Night's Sleep

Shadow Says

Tails and Shadow were outside in sleeping bags with a small tv.

"But Shadow, I want to watch the late, late, late show!"

"Sure, why not?"

They stayed up late together. The next morning Tails woke up and looked at his watch. It was already noon.

"Shadow, why didn't you wake me?"

Shadow's response was a snore.

"Shadow?"

Tails walked over and poked Shadow with his finger. Quick as a flash, Shadow opened his eyes and swung his arm at Tails. He knocked the fox away and went back to sleep. Tails sat in the dirt, rubbing his bruise.

"Remember kids, don't bother Shadow while he's sleeping."

"Cut!"


	25. Stealing

Shadow Says

Shadow's silhouette could be seen though a shower curtain. A squirrel approached and contemplated Shadow's jet shoes that were laying on the floor outside the shower.

"Hmm, should I take them? I mean, they're really cool and they're Shadow's!"

Suddenly, the shower curtains were ripped open and a soaking wet Shadow Chaos Speared the squirrel.

"Don't steal kids, because if you get caught, you could die. Like this poor squirrel here."

"Are you insane!?" The director screamed. "We can't show any of this on tv! There's a bleeding corpse on the floor!"

"Exactly. Think of what a strong message it will send!"

"YOU JUST MURDERED ONE OF OUR ACTORS!"

"I didn't know she was an actor. For all I knew she was a thief taking advantage of us shooting a scene where I get robbed. I've heard of that happening before."

Wondering how the studio would survive this one, the director yelled, "Cut!"


	26. Pets

Shadow Says

While the director and camera crew were freaking out, Shadow turned on the camera and started the next bit.

"Hey, kids. Today, we're going to be talking about taking care of your pet. Now the biggest mistake people make is forgetting to feed their pets. So for today's episode, I brought in a special guest."

One of the crew members screamed. "There's a tiger in here!"

Shadow grinned and petted the tiger. "This is Ezekiel."

"Shadow, you let a tiger in here!?"

"The schedule said the next PSA was about taking care of your pet, so I brought my pet. Now as I said before, it's important that you feed your pets. So Ezekiel, there's a nice fresh corpse over there, just for you."

The tiger trotted over to the corpse and began eating it.

"What are you doing?"

"Feeding my pet like a responsible pet owner." Shadow said as if it were obvious.

"You just killed that person like ten minutes ago!"

"Ezekiel likes his meat fresh."

"Couldn't this have waited at all!?"

"Not feeding your pets is irresponsible. Especially when they're a tiger." Shadow lectured.

Tails waked in. "Alright I'm ready for the next… what happened in here?"

"You don't want to know." The director moaned. "Just… cut."


	27. Pollution

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were in the junkyard.

"Wow, where did all this trash come from?" Tails asked.

"Wasteful idiots." Shadow replied as he pulled a cake box out of the pile of garbage. "Look, someone threw away half of a perfectly good cake. I mean really, they couldn't bother to finish the other half?"

"There's probably something wrong with it, Shadow."

"Tails, we're supposed to be teaching kids to not be wasteful. If buy food, you finish it. Don't give up half way. Otherwise, it'll form a giant pile of trash like this. If you're the person who throws away perfectly good food, then you're the real garbage."

"Are you going to put that dirty cake down now?"

"No! Were you not listening?"

"Don't tell me you actually plan to eat it!?" Tails cried.

"You want a slice?"

"Cut!"


	28. Poison Ivy

Shadow Says

"Okay Shadow." The harried director started. "Let's go over the script."

"Fine."

"In this one you're going to have a rash from some poisonous flowers and Tails is going to be scratching your back with a stick."

"That sounds humiliating."

"Then you're going to tell Tails to forget the stick and go to the pharmacy to get lotion. Then you'll turn to the camera say that there's no such thing as poison flowers but there is such a thing as poison ivy."

Shadow held up his hands. "Wait a minute! First, if we're supposed to be talking about poison ivy, then why don't I have that? If like if I got bit by a snake and then tell people what to do if they get attacked by a bear!"

"Uh, well-"

"Second, bullshit there's no such thing as poisonous flowers! In fact, let me google some right now." Shadow pulled out his smart phone. "Oh look, there's the oleander, the larkspur, and the foxglove!"

The director slumped. "Maybe we should just skip this episode."


	29. Cheaters Never Win

Shadow Says

Scratch stood at the starting line with a flag. "Ready, go!"

Two evil scientists shot off running. They tried to trip each other up and they ended up both falling in a heap at the finish line.

Shadow glared down at them. "You're both losers. That was the most pathetic display of cheating I've ever seen." He pointed at Eggman. "You could have built yourself a pair of super-fast rocket sneakers and you use a banana!?"

"That's actually a good idea." Eggman said thoughtfully.

Shadow turned to the camera. "Remember kids, if you're going to cheat, do it smart and do it right."

"Shadow! You're supposed to tell kids not to cheat!"

"The best way to counter cheating is with cheating! Especially if you've done something stupid like bet the fate of the world on the outcome of a contest." Shadow pointed at the camera. "I'm looking at you Sonic!"

"Cut!"


	30. Don't wander off! (again)

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were in sleeping bags in the wilderness. Tails got up.

"I think I'll go for a walk before Shadow gets up."

He walked off. Shadow remained in his sleeping bag. The director cued him to get up.

"He hasn't even gotten off camera yet, give him a little more time!"

"Just get up and start panicking!"

"Panicking? Already? He hasn't even been gone ten seconds! If someone's freaking out that quickly I think they're the one with the problem."

"Just teach kids the lesson about not wandering away from their parents!" The director ordered.

"Wait, didn't we already do this one?"

"We wanted to reshoot to make it better."

"Make it better? This scenario is even more garbage than the last one! Parents if you can't find your kid, at least wait longer than a minute before you lose your shit."

"Cut!"


	31. Don't Take Other People's Medicine

Shadow Says

Grounder was chasing a rabbit when he tripped and dropped a medicine bottle. The rabbit paused to pick it up. Shadow ran in to stop him, then read the label in growing disbelief.

"Pills!? For a robot!? What type of horseshit is this!? Out of all the characters you could have picked to have pills, you picked a robot!? Are the writers on this show taking fucking pills!?"

"Just go with it!" The director pleaded.

"Nope. Fuck this." Shadow threw the bottle down. "I'm going on lunch break. Call me when you have a script that makes sense." He stormed off.

Grounder and the rabbit stood awkwardly, not sure what to do.

"Uhh…. Th-th-that's all folks!" Grounder said with a wave.

The director facepalmed. "I think I need a break too. Cut."


	32. Take Care of Yourself

Shadow Says

Shadow came back from lunch break and screamed. "What the fuck is that thing?"

A purple slime monster with tentacles was on set, ready to start.

"Nope!" Shadow yelled. "Nope! Nope! Nope!" He turned to leave.

The director stopped him. "Calm down! He's just your co-star for the next short!"

"I know what happens with tentacle monsters and I am not gonna be a part of it!"

"It's just a lesson about taking care of yourself when you're sick!"

"And you brought in a fucking tentacle monster for that?"

The monster on stage spoke up. "You know, that's kind of hurtful."

"I'm leaving and I'm not coming back until that thing is gone!" Shadow stormed away again.

The monster started crying. The director sat down and rethought his life.


	33. Respect the law

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails sat in a courthouse.

"I'm scared Shadow. I knew I should have obeyed that no flying sign. What's the judge gonna do?"

"You should consider yourself lucky that you're getting a trial at all. I certainly didn't get one."

"Shadow, can you stay on topic please?" The director asked.

"… and when everyone thought Sonic was me he didn't get a fair trial."

"Uh, Shadow?" Tails interjected.

"Innocent people end up in jail everyday due to the shitty justice system! You only get a fair trial if the government feels like giving you one!"

"Shadow?"

"Fuck the police, fuck the court system, fuck the government!"

"Shadow this isn't helping!" Tails finally yelled.

"And sometimes they'll just shoot you right there on the spot even though you're completely unarmed!"

"Cut!"

"No! No cut, I'm not done yet!"

"CUT!"


	34. Beware of Dangerous Currents

Shadow Says

Shadow, Tails, and a kangaroo were on a raft in a river.

"I'm gonna go swimming!" Tails declared and jumped in.

The currents quickly started sweeping the fox away.

"Help!"

Shadow teleported to Tails's location in the water, then teleported back to the raft.

"Don't swim in dangerous water kids. Especially when the water is yellow. Seriously, why is the water yellow? What weird-ass chemicals have you been dumping in this river? And why the hell is this kangaroo here? He doesn't even have any lines!"

"I just wanted to hang, mate."

"And when Tails started drowning, you decided to sit there and do absolutely nothing." Shadow said accusingly. "Don't hang out with random kangaroos, kids! They won't save you from drowning!"

"Cut!"


	35. Smoking is bad

Shadow Says

Tails picked up a box of cigarettes off the ground, which Grounder snatched away from him.

"Gimmie my smokes, kid!"

"Smoking's bad for you." Tails informed him.

"Not it's not! Try it."

Tails took a cigarette, then coughed on the smoke.

Shadow came in with a thoroughly unimpressed look on his face. "Seriously? Robots are smoking now? I told you to stop writing scripts that are stupid! I mean, did anyone read this out loud? A robot? Smoking!?" He turned to the camera. "Kids, don't smoke or you'll come up with stupid ideas like this!"

"Cut!"


	36. Peer Pressure

Shadow Says

Shadow walked up to a chili dog placed on a big red X on the ground. "Really? I'm supposed to fall for this?"

"Just stand on it!" The director snapped.

"Nope. I'm not gonna do that."

"Just do it for the PSA!"

"No. This PSA is about not listening to peer pressure so I'm not going to listen to you. Not that you're my peer or anything."

"What-? You-!"

"Stepping into this obvious trap would be stupid and dangerous. And I'm not going to do it just because someone else told me to."

"But- but-!"

"Well that's the lesson, is it not?"

"Yes, but-!"

"Well then stop peer pressuring me. Fuck off."

The director buried his face in his hands and gave a muffled scream. "Cut!"


	37. Don't Climb into Dryers

Shadow Says

Shadow came on set. "Okay, what PSA are we doing this time?"

"Today you're going to be talking about the dangers of climbing into a cloths dryer." The director explained.

"Real funny. Now what's the real PSA?"

"No that's it."

Shadow stood there with his mouth hanging open. "Kids climbing into dryers? Kids climbing into dryers!? WHAT THE FUCK!? We're doing a PSA about climbing into a fucking dryer!? What, did you guys run out of ideas or something? I mean what the hell? Is this really an actual issue?"

"Yeah. Now are we going to start filming or what?"

"Know what? Fine." Shadow got in front of the camera. "Kids, if you're stupid enough to climb inside a dryer, you deserve whatever happens to you."

"Cut!"


	38. Save your Money

Shadow Says

The sales weasel displayed his wares to Coconuts. "I've got sorts of magic tricks, toys, and candy! And it's all on sale!"

Coconuts brought out his money. "I'll take it all! I hope this is enough."

Shadow ran onscreen. "Wait a minute! Instead of wasting all your money on this junk, which will probably break five minutes after you buy it, you should save it so you can buy something that's really awesome. Like a motorcycle. Or an Extreamgear. Or a tiger."

"Or I could get that toilet plunger and make Doctor Robotnik proud of me!"

Shadow facepalmed. "Okay first, you need to stop thinking about things in terms of what makes Robotnik proud. Second, you really think a plunger of all things is going to make him proud? What you need to buy is an upgrade for your brain."

"Cut!"


	39. Play Nice

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were at a playground. A hippo kid came down the slide. Tails was standing in his path and was flattened. The hippo's momentum carried him into the seesaw, flinging Eggman's robotic son into the air, before crashing on the ground.

"Shadow you were supposed to save them!" The director yelled.

"If I did that, then they wouldn't learn anything. I let them suffer the consequences of their poor actions, so they'll do better next time. After their bones heal of course."

"Don't you think we can teach them without hurting them?"

"We're you paying attention? They did all that to themselves. Besides, pain is a very good teacher"

"No, they didn't!" The director shook his head. "Cut."


	40. Imagination!

Shadow Says

Tails was sitting on a tire under a tree. "I'm bored Shadow."

"Yeah that sucks."

"You're supposed to tell me to use my imagination."

"What's the point? Your imagination can't change reality."

"That's overly pessimistic."

"No, it's realistic. You could try imaging this tree is a rocket ship, but no matter how hard you imagine it, it will remain a tree." Shadow explained.

"Yeah, but it could be fun." Tails pointed out.

"Only temporarily. Then cold, hard reality comes crashing back in."

"Shadow, I think you need therapy."

"Cut!"


	41. Don't Touch Strange Animals

Shadow Says

Tails waved at a non-mobian squirrel on a branch. "Come here Mr. Squirrel!" He called.

"Don't touch that animal." Shadow admonished. "They don't like it and they'll bite you. You'll find that most animals don't like it when strange people bother them."

Tails relaxed. Shadow was staying on topic.

"You hear that, humans in the audience? We don't like to be petted and hugged by random strangers in the street!"

"Oh no, here it comes." Tails muttered as his hopes were dashed.

"If you try to pet us, we will bite! Just ask the guy I put into the hospital a week ago."

"Cut!"


	42. Don't be Stupid!

Shadow Says

Eggman was showing off a new laser gun to scratch and Grounder.

"This is my new stupidity ray. Now go shoot-"

Just then, the gun went off. The laser bounced off a mirror and struck Eggman.

"So this is why all your plans are terrible." Shadow remarked. "It's all starting to make sense now."

"Shadow, the moral?" The director prompted.

Shadow faced the camera. "There are three ways to avoid being stupid. One, don't rely on school to teach you everything you need to know. Two, understand that most of what you see on the news is fake. Three, if you build a stupidity ray, don't shoot yourself with it like a jackass. In fact, just don't do anything that Eggman does."

"No Shadow, that's not it! You're supposed to say 'one, stay in school. Two, stay in school, and three, don't forget one and two'."

"That's not three things, that's just the same thing repeated three times! Clearly you need to learn how to not be stupid."

"Cut!"


	43. Obey the Stop Sign

Shadow Says

Tails was riding his bike through the street. He was approaching a stop sign when Shadow did NOT jump in front of him. Tails realized that Shadow missed his cue too late and was hit by a car. Shadow finally walked up.

"Shadow! Where were you?" The director shouted.

"In the bathroom. Why? Did I miss my cue?"

"Yes! You were supposed to stop Tails at the stop sign!"

"Why didn't he stop at the stop sign?"

"Because he was expecting you!"

"Well that's just not safe at all. A person shouldn't only stop when someone tells them to."

The director glared. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"Hey, Tails wouldn't have been hit if this studio practiced basic safety. What, you had no plans for if Tails actually did roll past the stop sign? Kids, if you're ever filming PSAs make sure to have safety protocols in case something goes wrong."

"This studio will never be safe as long as you're here." The director muttered. "Cut!"


	44. Remember to Stretch

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were on a football field, stretching. Scratch and Grounder were nearby.

"Look at those losers!" Scratch called.

"There is literally no situation where you guys have the right to call someone a loser." Shadow shot back.

The game started. Shadow took the ball and plowed right through the robots. He ran all the way to the other end of the field and scored.

"And touchdown. That kids, is how you earn the right to call someone else a loser. By proving that you're better than them."

"Shadow, the lesson is supposed to be about stretching before exercising." Tails reminded him.

"First of all, what difference would that have made? It's pretty obvious that they were going to lose regardless. Second, they're robots. They don't have any muscles to stretch."

"That's not the point!"

"Exactly. That's why we should stick with my point. We won, they lost."

"Cut!"


	45. Don't join a gang

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were in a diner. Suddenly, the door burst open and Scratch and Grounder entered.

"We're the robot gang!" Grounder declared. "Pay up or else!"

"Or else what?" Shadow challenged.

"Uh… I don't know."

Shadow face palmed. "You guys are the worst gang ever. Get the fuck out of here and don't come back until you have a better threat. Kids, when you threaten someone, make sure you actually have something to threaten them with! Use a gun or a knife or something."

"No!" The director yelled. "Stop giving advice to the bad guys!"

"Bad guys? Is that what we're calling them? They're so nonthreatening the police shouldn't even bother arresting them."

"Hey, we're threatening!" Grounder objected.

"Really? Have you come up with an actual threat yet?"

"Uh… we're working on it!"

"Allow me to demonstrate for you." Shadow ripped off Scratch's arm and slapped him with it. "I suggest you leave while you still have an arm left."

The two robots ran away.

"And that's how it's done kids."

"Cut!"


	46. Don't Clean up Broken Glass Yourself

Shadow Says

Coconuts knocked over a bottle in Eggman's lab.

"Oops! I did it again."

He started to clean it up when Shadow came on screen.

"Yeah, clean that up you clutz."

"Shadow, you're supposed to tell him not to do that because it's dangerous." The director corrected.

"Dangerous how? He can't cut himself on the glass shards and bleed and he can't be poisoned."

"Yeah, but the average kid isn't a robot!"

"Then why are you having a robot do this? Why not Tails?" Shadow asked.

"Because… um…"

"Who writes this garbage?"

"Cut!"


	47. Drive Safely

Shadow Says

At a racetrack, Shadow and Tails sat in one car, while Scratch and Grounder sat in another.

"Tails get out."

"What? Why?"

"Your extra weight will slow me down. Now GTFO."

"But that's not this is supposed to go!" Tails protested.

"This is a race! This is exactly how it's supposed to go!"

"We're supposed to be teaching a lesson!"

"I am teaching a lesson. The lesson that when you're racing, you need to lose the extra weight. That way you can go faster."

Shadow pushed Tails out of the car and won the race.

"See Tails? It worked."

"No, you won because they crashed!"

"Oh yeah, another important lesson for racing kids. Don't crash. Otherwise, you'll lose."

"But- But- Nevermind."

"Cut!"


	48. Let Professionals fix Things

Shadow Says

Tails was working with a screwdriver and skateboard. Shadow came up to him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making this skateboard faster."

"Cool. Let me know when you're done."

"Shadow, you're supposed to tell him to leave that sort of thing to professionals." The director said.

"Tails is a fucking professional! I saw him fix that camera you're using to film me right now!"

"Yes, but-"

"And he built multiple airplanes."

"Yes, but-"

"And he disarmed that missile that was about to blow up Station Square that one time."

"Yes, but-"

"He was able to translate an alien language."

"Yes, but-"

"And he built a variety of other vehicles including a submarine, a drill, and a hovercraft. And one time he said he built a TV out of paper clips. I'm not sure I believe that one though."

"Yes, but- wait really? How's that one even possible?"

They both turned to Tails, who was blushing a bright red. "Well, I could show you how I did it."

"Forget this PSA, lets do that instead." Shadow decided.


	49. Never Swim Alone

Shadow Says

Tails was paddling on surfboard in the ocean when a shark started circling him.

Shadow on shore faced the camera. "Remember kids, never go swimming alone. That way you can sacrifice the other person to the shark while you escape."

"SHADOW! SAVE ME!"

"Just fly Tails!"

"Shadow, you're supposed to save him!" The director admonished.

"Nope. When someone's in trouble in the water, the last thing a person should do is jump in to save them. If you do that, then you could possibly die as well. Sometimes the best course of action is just to let the other person die. Better to lose only one person than to lose two."

The director started pulling his hair out.

"What? It's all in this book I read about safe swimming. Don't blame me! I'd love to go save him, but according to this book, it's the wrong thing to do. So good luck Tails!"

"SCREW YOU, SHADOW!"

"Cut!"


	50. Guns are Dangerous

**Shadow and gun safety. What could possibly go wrong?**

Shadow Says

An Eggman robot shot at Shadow. He dodged and shot the robot with his own gun.

"Okay listen up you jackasses, we're going to talk abut guns!" Shadow snarled. "Now, you dumbasses may not realize this, but this tool that's specifically designed to kill people, can kill people! I don't know why this needs to be explained! SERIOUSLY? HOW FUCKING STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS?"

"Shadow calm down." The director said nervously.

Shadow pointed his gun at the director. "FUCK YOU! I LOST MY BEST FRIEND TO ONE OF THESE!"

The director hid behind his chair.

Shadow blinked, realizing what he'd said and quickly changed the subject. "Hiding behind that flimsy chair won't save you! That thing doesn't look bullet proof! You're like those dumbasses who tell people that hiding under their desks will protect them from nukes! It won't! It's a nuke! You are going to die!"

"WellIthinkthatwilldoitforthisepisode! Cut!"

"No! No cut! I'm not done yet! If you still don't believe guns are dangerous, I'll shoot you myself to prove it!"

And then Shadow shot the camera.


	51. Knife Safety

Shadow Says

The director approached Tails after he finished fixing the camera. "Okay, you know the next short is about knife safety, right?"

Tails thought for a second. "Oh yeah, I can see how you might be worried about that."

"Yeah, so I'm thinking we just skip the whole knife thing and talk about boat safety, so no one gets stabbed."

Shadow came onto the set. "Okay, what are we doing?"

"Today, we're going to be talking about boat safety with Captain Bot."

"Gotcha I can do that."

Shadow and Tails got on the boat and Captain came out to talk to them.

"Yarr, me mateys! Let's talk about-"

Shadow suddenly yelled out, "Pirate!" and took Captain Bot's sword and stabbed him with it. You see kids sometimes when you're out at sea, you'll sometimes get attacked by pirates. That's why it's important to bring a sword with you to defend yourself."

The director got up, went over to the wall, and started bashing his head against it.

"What? What did I do?"

Tails sighed. "Nevermind Shadow."


	52. Training

Shadow Says

Shadow was in a gym, using a weight lifting machine. "Gotta train for the winter Olympics. Those plumbers don't stand a chance."

Tails walked up to him. "But Shadow, the Olympics aren't for another four years!"

"That's the attitude of a loser Tails! Do you want to be a winner?"

"Well, yes."

"Then act like it! Give me fifty pushups now!"

"But-"

"But? I didn't ask for a but! I asked for pushups!"

"Okay, jeez!" Tails started doing pushups.

"Oh, come on! You can do better than that! You're not even sweating yet! Faster!"

Scratch and Grounder snuck up behind Shadow. They cut the cord holding up his weights. They nosily, but harmlessly, fell to the ground and Shadow turned to look at them, annoyed.

"What the hell was that supposed to be?"

"Hey, that was supposed to crush you!" Grounder whined.

"How? The weights were behind me not above me, dumbass!"

"Uhhh…"

"Now I want the two of you to run laps until I get tired."

"But-"

"Move it!"

Scratch and Grounder started running.

"Cut!"


	53. Skateboard Safety

Shadow Says

Tails stood on top of a hill with a skateboard.

Shadow walked up to him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna go to the past with my time traveling skateboard."

"See? I told you guys he could do it himself. Now Tails, do think you can get us back fifty years ago?"

"Shadow, you know this is just a prop, right?"

"What? You said this is a time traveling skateboard! You lied to me!"

"Shadow, we're just supposed to be talking about skateboarding safety."

"And why does that necessitate claiming that the skateboard is capable of time travel?"

"Shadow, just teach the lesson!" the director called.

Shadow faced the camera. "Kids, if someone tells you that they have a time traveling skateboard, they're lying to you to make themselves look cooler."

"Shadow, that's not the lesson!"

"Well it is now!"

"Shadow, we just want you to talk about skateboarding safety!"

"And I wanted a time traveling skateboard! Life is full of disappointment."

"Cut."


	54. Babysitting

Shadow Says

Tails was watching over three baby beavers.

"You sure you can handle this, Tails?" Shadow asked.

"Sure, no problem."

"Really? You don't always tell the truth, you know."

"Really, Shadow? You're still on that?"

"You promised me a time traveling skateboard!"

"No, I did not! I just said it was a time traveling skateboard!"

"Which was a lie!"

"It's just what it said in the script!"

"Why are you following these garbage-ass scripts?"

"Hey, I'm just trying to- wait where did the babies go?" Tails looked around the room to see that none of the babies were anywhere in sight. "Oh no! Shadow, we've got to find them!"

"Nah, they've probably found a way to kill themselves by now. It's too late."

"Shadow!"

"What? You're the babysitter here. This is your fault."

"Cut!"


	55. Don't Litter

Shadow Says

"Get your Shadow the Hedgehog themed hard hats here!"

Mole miners lined up to buy Shadow's hard hats.

"Kids, if you're famous like me, you can put your face on something and it will automatically sell like hotcakes."

"Shadow, that's not the lesson." Tails spoke up.

"It's still true. Have seen how much money Sonic is making off his toasters?"

"Yeah, but can you still tell kids the moral about throwing away their trash?"

"Of course. If I catch you throwing away your packaging, I'm charging you double."

"I… eh. Close enough I guess." Tails shrugged.

"Cut!"


	56. Don't use the Stove Yourself

Shadow Says

Scratch and Grounder were in the kitchen

"Doctor Robotnik loves omelets!" Scratch declared for no reason.

"He likes eggs too!" Grounder added.

"Chef to co-chef, light my fire!"

Grounder twisted the dials on the stove. "Burners on!"

The kitchen burst into flames. Shadow came in with a fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

"You two can't do anything right, can you? I mean seriously, you didn't add any vegetables into this! And what type of low quality eggs are these anyway?"

"Uh Shadow, the whole thing about the fire?" The director prompted.

"Oh, that's excusable. Who hasn't burned their kitchen the first time they tried cooking? I know I certainly did."

"Shadow! Setting your kitchen on fire is bad!"

"Just keep a fire extinguisher nearby, you'll be fine! Putting out a fire is easy. Dealing with poorly prepared meal? That's just impossible."

"Exactly what kind of logic are you using?"

"The type of logic that knows how to make a good omelet."

"Cut!"


	57. The Police are Your Friends

Shadow Says

Scratch and Grounder were chasing Tails. They grabbed hold of fox and he immediately started screaming.

"HELP! POLICE!"

A nearby police dog on a motorcycle heard the screaming and charged into action.

"A cop!" Scratch cried.

The two robots dropped Tails and ran. Shadow walked on screen.

"So now calling the police when you're being attacked is the right thing to do. What about that first episode when you said it wasn't?"

"Well you were right, okay? Now can you get on with the lesson?"

"Kids, when someone is stupid and wrong, you need to correct them so that they can eventually learn their lesson."

"That's not the lesson!" The director shouted.

"Hey, I already taught this lesson back in episode one. I don't need to do it again."

"There's just no winning with you, is there?"

"See there you go! You are learning!"

"Cut!"


	58. Fire!

Shadow Says

Smoke started leaking from under the door.

"Did I leave the iron on?" Grounder wondered.

Shadow Chaos Controlled himself to safety.

"Remember kids, when your house is on fire get out as quickly as possible. Got through the door, jump out the window, just get the fuck out."

"Shadow, you left Scratch and Grounder inside." The director pointed out.

"When the house is on fire, it's every man for himself."

"You're supposed to tell them helpful tips to help them survive!"

"They're minions of Eggman. Why would I want them to survive? What was I doing in their house anyway? Actually, now that I think about it, I'd be the one starting the fire. Kids, if you're ever in an evil person's house, set it on fire. But only if you can get out."

"Cut!"


	59. Computers

Shadow Says

Tails was sitting in a field with a 90s era desktop computer.

"Stupid computer! Stop beeping!"

Shadow strolled into view. "Really? I have to teach Tails of all people how to use a computer? Do we need to go over how he's a genius again?"

"Shadow, just pretend that he's not a computer genius already!" The director ordered.

"Alright, fine. Now let's see, I'd say your first problem is that the computer you're using is outdated as shit. Second, all you have here is the monitor and keyboard! Where's the actual hard drive? And third, why are you trying to use a computer in the middle of nowhere? The wifi probably sucks and that kind of computer was not designed for portability."

Tails nodded. "Yeah he's right. This is probably the worst way to use a computer."

The director threw up his hands. "Cut!"


	60. Alcohol is bad

Shadow Says

Scratch and Grounder had a bottle.

"Hurry up! I wanna try this booze!" Scratch took the bottle from Grounder and drank from it.

Shadow stormed in with a growl. "Stop! Stop everything! Really? Robots getting drunk now? Do you guys not know what a robot is?"

Everyone cowered in the face of Shadow's wrath, but it was only the beginning. Shadow marched over to Grounder and ripped him open.

"See that? There's no organs in here! Just gears and wires!"

"What the fuck!" Scratch screamed.

Shadow held up Grounder's body. "Now I want you to take a good, long look and remember this next time you want to put these two idiots in another one of these PSAs!"

Shadow dropped the robot and walked away.

The director walked on set, grabbed the forgotten bottle of alcohol and started chugging.


	61. Breakfast is the most Important meal

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were on the edge of a cliff. The director cued Shadow to say his line, but the hedgehog remained silent.

"Shadow, you're supposed to say that you're tired because you didn't eat breakfast."

"But I did eat breakfast."

"You're supposed to say you didn't!"

"Why would I say that I'm doing something wrong when I'm trying to teach kids that they're supposed to eat breakfast?"

"But that's how you're supposed to teach them! By showing them what happens!"

"But if I don't eat breakfast and tell people that they should, I just look like a hypocrite." Shadow argued. "Breakfast is important kids, but do you know what is just as important? Lunch. See you guys in an hour."

"Cut!"


	62. Vandalism

Shadow Says

Scratch and Grounder were tearing up a playground.

"This nasty playground vandalism will get us on 'Lifestyles of the Sick and Twisted' for sure!" Scratch exclaimed.

"Yeah we'll be stars!" Grounder agreed.

Shadow entered the scene. "Nope, you guys lost to Omega. Again. He used his lasers to carve 'Fuck Eggman' in giant letters into the tallest building in Station Square."

"Shadow, you're supposed to tell kids that vandalism is bad!" The director shouted.

"Well if vandalism is bad then they shouldn't put people on the cover of magazines for doing it. I mean who makes this magazine anyway?"

"We'll top that traitor by carving something into the moon!" Scratch declared.

"Too late. Omgea's already called dibs on it."

"Darn it!"

The director buried his face in his hands. "Cut!"


	63. Brush your Teeth

Shadow Says

Shadow and Tails were sitting around a campfire. Shadow glared down at his prop hotdog on a stick.

"This doesn't look anything like a hotdog. This looks like a cattail."

"Just go with it!" The slowly going insane director ordered.

Tails pretended to bite his prop food and hissed in pain.

"And why does Tails's prop look like a stick of butter? Who just eats a stick of butter?"

"Just put on the costume and investigate Tails's mouth!"

Shadow held up the white coat. "What am I, a dentist now?"

"You don't have to actually be a dentist, just teach the lesson!"

"Kids if you have pain in your mouth, go to a real dentist and don't just put on a white coat and say you are one."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Went the director.


	64. Don't go in the Street

Shadow Says

Tails was playing kickball with Scratch and Grounder.

"Let's see you kick my triple curve fastball!" Scratch challenged and threw the ball.

Tails kicked it, sending the ball high into the air. The two robots backed up while keeping their eyes on the ball, ready to catch. They backed into the street and Scratch caught the ball just before they were run over by a truck.

Shadow appeared on camera. "Well Tails, it looks like you're out."

"Shadow, the lesson." Tails prompted.

"Are trying to distract everyone from the fact that you just lost? For shame, Tails."

"Shadow! The lesson!" The director yelled.

"Kids don't lose to people like Scratch and Grounder, because that's just embarrassing."

"Cut!"


	65. The End

**This is the end. Thank you to everyone who read this thing and special thanks to those who faved, followed, and reviewed.**

Shadow Says

Shadow walked into the studio. "Alright guys, what are we doing today?"

He was surprised to see that the studio was empty, and all the equipment was off.

"Hello, is anyone here?"

The director came around the corner carrying a box.

"Hey what's going on?" Shadow asked him. "Where is everyone?"

"The studio is closing down."

"Closing? Why?"

"Well when we showed all of _your_ PSAs on TV, all the parents in the world decided to sue us."

"Sue us? For what?"

"Well gee, I don't know!" The director's words were drowning in sarcasm. "Maybe it's because your PSAs were full of swearing, violence, and half the time didn't contain a real message!"

"What? My PSAs were very educational! Why would anyone…" Shadow narrowed his eyes. "Wait, I know what happened. All the parents who sued us were people who grew up watching Sonic's piece of shit PSAs. And those corrupted their minds, making incapable of learning actual lessons!"

The director groaned. "Well, I know I definitely learned something from this experience."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"That you should never be allowed to do anything remotely related to children's programing."


End file.
